They never give me Barbecue sauce at Burger King...

What's wrong with the world today? After a long day of working out, getting my butt kicked by a well trained leg moving at over 90 MPH, and strenuous warm-down sessions, I go to Burger King, hoping for a wonderfully fulfilling Chicken Nugget meal. This is a narration of the events following my attempt to get Barbecue Sauce. These events are real, and they take place between the hours of 9:08.0-9:10.14. The following passage will describe how time seemed to pass to me, and how my thought process was working (it wasn't). All the repetition and the seemingly dazed feel of the passage are on purpose, and are to convey how I felt, and acted. Enjoy...

I go on the Drive-Thru (after all, I have to drop a friend off before I get home, and it is late already) and order my meal, and specifically ask for the Barbecue sauce. I pull up to the window, put the car on neutral, and look up to the window. Upon peering into the depths of the drive thru window, I see a girl, no more then 19, sitting there, staring at me. "Hi." I would say. She would simply grumble back. Now, this would not generally bother me, for I am considerate. I can understand the hardships of working until late on a Fast Food restaurant on a daily basis. It is not pleasant. "It'll be 3.98 sir," she said, the meaning of the words she just muttered escaping her, as it so often happens because her daily grind numbs her to a point these things are nearly involuntary.

I make a motion towards my wallet. She does not look at me, although she is looking in my direction. For a moment I stop and wonder what exactly she is looking at, or for. I realize she is simply looking through me, that she probably feels like an empty shell by now, tired and longing for a rest, one that will never come. As she gazes into the near distance, I anxiously hand her the exact change. A coin falls down on the curb. She doesn't seem to notice this, but as I move in to reaquire the missing coin, she seems to snap off the nearly ghostly trance she seems to be on, even if just for a second. However, after she realized what I was doing, she goes back to that state. This perturbs me slightly, but I understand how she feels. I try to ignore it, however it is agonizing to the soul; Oh the drudgery!

She hands me back change. I look at her, and she stares back blankly, and as if searching for her soul, I stare right back at her eyes. I see nothing. After a second, I realize she is giving me change. Did I not give exact change? "I thought I gave exact." "This is a five dollar bill. It was 3.98, sir," she retorts. I stopped to wonder if it would be more appropriate for her to have told me I handed her a five dollar bill instead of pointing out the fact that it was, physically a five dollar bill. My mind drifts off for a second with this thought, however, I snap right back, possibly because it was a retarded thought, but maybe because I considered it to be vernacular speech.

"Here you go, sir." I wait for her to ask me what kind of sauce I want. I wait there for what it seems an eternity. It never comes. "Is it innapropriate to ask for sauce?" I think to my self. I am not quite sure. This makes me anxious. I just stare blankly at the window, which she closed not a second ago, or maybe it was years ago. I am not sure. The pain in my body throbs from the kicks and punches. Where am I? Burger King, I supposed. I asked for sauce as I ordered, correct? I did. Check it. No sauce. Have I gone through this process before? I think I have. Now the window has been closed for at least 5 seconds. She opens it. "What?" "I... I'm... not sure. I forgot... oh wait, right. Can I have Barbecue sauce, please?" The question seems to escape her. Has it? Maybe she ignored me. She walks away. She comes back, but her hands have no Barbecuse. Instead, she hands me honey mustard. This'll have to do. "Good night." As I say this, I try to smile. She grumbles back at me. Maybe she meant good night.

I drive away. My brother tells me it is honey mustard. It is now 9:10.14. I am mad...

So that's pretty much my night right there. True story.

The most ridiculous dumbest thing I've ever found on the Internet... this week.

Sometimes the internet baffles me. Actually make that all the damn time...
A human being is the equivalent of around 60 super computers put together. You'd think that is a pretty impressive computational power, but then, a single group of humans create something with such a sheer amount of "retard" in one place that, if retard was mass, it would create a damn blackhole in space.

What am I talking about, you wonder? I'll tell you what. I'm talking about the people over at the Flat Earth Society.

Look honestly, I have absolutely nothing against other people's belief. You want to think the Earth is flat? Go ahead. I'm not against it. That's not even the point, is it? Of course not, you know me better then to get angry over mere things like idiotic beliefs.

Author portrayal or Retard-Black-Hole

No, what bugs me is the fact that on the process of explaining, they manage to sodomize modern science and get their facts almost entirely wrong.

Look, I'm not asking for you to believe in something that is only perfectly logical and explainable. Jeez, I believe in god for crying out loud. What I'm saying is, if you claim to hold all truths known to men, (I'm pretty sure they do on the first paragraph, ahem "Ours is the truth, the truth of the world's flatness, and ours is also the burden of proof.") try at least having the basic understanding of the other people's belief. It's like Christians waging war on Muslims because their beliefs are different and their God is wrong, because we ALL know they worship the same God and that's why the world is a peaceful, prosperous place, such as the middle east.

So in an attempt to civilize the world, (A.K.A Mr. Tize the world) not like the Brits though, I don't take Tea breaks while conquering the world, I decided to rebuke the idiocy in this whole proof of idiotic retardness, and retardness is not even a word, but this is so much of it, it had to be invented. I call creative rights, kinda like Shakespeare but I'm actually being practical, he did it to sound fancy.

Their first proof for Earth's inherit flatness is an experiment conduced by two American scientists by the names of Albert A. Michelson and Edward W. Morley. The Michelson-Morley experiment was looking for the aether, this is correct, (also, ether is a totally different thing, way to mess up your credibility from the retard-start) which is a make-belief substance to explain how light wave (just like all other waves) travels through space, since waves need a medium to travel... or so it was believed at this time. This is about where it all ends, really. The author tells you that the experiment proved the Earth not to be moving still. The experiment simply ruled out the existence of Aether, but not only that, it ushered in the age of Special Relativity Physics (here's another tidbit of nice history you get here sometimes, no?). If this experiment had not failed so damn miserably, Einstein might have never been accepted credibly, or at least not been ruled as the most important theory for metaphysics to this day.

Their second argument... well, argues... that Earth cannot keep moving on forever on a circular orbit on a Universe full of Aether. Do I even NEED to put my finger on this one? We just finished disproving Aether. Seriously, we don't believe in it anymore. Light travels through vacuum because it's a damn mix of particles and wave at the same time (Ok to be more precise, light is a wave that seems to have particles that act like... well particles in it. Light is very unique in our universe, much like water, traveling at the highest speed possible [Addendum: to travel at the speed of light would require infinite energy. Light does it all the damn time. That's pretty cool right?]). Look I missed a month of Physics, and specifically this part, and I still know this. is it that hard to pick up a physics book, you stupid monkey?

Now, I know you were educated in the mid west where they teach you the Earth is the center of the Universe, but I'm almost 102% sure they teach you our orbit is Elliptical, not round, and based on gravity, which acts like a string that causes us to move closer to the sun, then slingshots us away from it, just to pull us back. Which would explain Aether if it was there, and how we maintain our motion. But It still explains a lot of our motion because even though Aether is not there, Space is surprisingly full of say... gases and other material that would eventually slow the Earth down, if it wasn't for the sun spinning us around wildly like a stupid child with a ball attached to a string doing the twister movement.

The third argument is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever seen in my life, but this is the one I laughed at the most. It really shows where these people are coming from (the middle ages).
Here's an exert:

"For the person at the top of the world, (the North Pole), gravity is pulling him down, towards the South Pole. But for the person at the South Pole, shouldn't gravity pull him down as well? What keeps our person at the South Pole from falling completely off the face of the "globe"?"

Yes. That is exactly what is posted on the site. No joke. I don't even NEED to get into this one, it's just too easy. But I'll do it anyways, just for the pleasure of it.... No mister un-scientist, a person at the South Pole shouldn't be pushed out of the planet like your house on a tornado. See, the center of gravity of the Earth is located on the Core of the planet.

If you know anything about Gravity, it should be that a mass attracts one another no matter how big or small it is. And if you've ever been on a pool, you'll know, bigger gets more. And if you haven't noticed, the Earth is fairly... um, large, maybe? Yeah. Therefore we're attracted to the CENTER of gravity, which is in Earth's core. Its not a magnet. It's GRAVITY. A bend on the matter of time and space that sucks us in. Too much of it and you create a black hole. Think of the Universe as a blanket. You put something in it, it bends on the direction it pushes against. Put too much and it rips. And then it sucks everything in and spaghetti it with sheer power of destruction so strong not even light can escape it. Unless you're using Brawny, those things will never rip, I swear to god.

Not only that but that explains argument four too. I would NOT fall down through the voids of space because space has almost no matter in it (It is far too spread out to cause any gravity to affect us outside the reach of another objects direct gravity). Not only that, but the Earth's gravity keeps me generally stuck to the ground, because gravity is NOT a magnet, it is a completely different force. One that pulls me inward constantly.

Not only that, but you claim our planet does not work with Thermodynamics on argument five. Honestly, couldn't you at least have looked the definition up at Wikipedia? It's not that hard... In fact it is almost impossible to explain a STATIC, FLAT Earth on Thermodynamic terms, while Oval shaped spinny ball of water Earth actually makes perfect sense.

I won't go into the mechanics and etc of a static Earth or universe under Thermodynamics, but lets just say WE'D ALL FREEZE TO DEATH AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Anyways, I hope you enjoy the insanity of The Flat Earth Society as much as I did. It's totally awesome, really.

Vroom Vroom

Things Not to do in Traffic:
Learn how to drift


Try drifting a FWD car


Go Streaking
(Censured. Oh god censured, my eyes, oh my eyeeeeeessss... How could you? -ED)
Slow traffic on the left (OK WHEN MY LIGHT IS POINTING LEFT WHEN I'M ON THE LEFT LANE IT MEANS I'M COMING FASTER THEN YOU JESUS CHRIST GET OFF THE FAST LANE YOU IDIOTS ARRRGH).

Just a few things to keep in mind. That is all.

Muay Thai

Everyone does sports. Football, Handegg (I think Americans call this football too, but you know Americans, they can't even spell colour right), BASE-jumping.

I do Muay Thai. Because I like to kick things until my feet are so sore and my veins so popped I can't walk.

A gym so badass they just said Phuket

As Martial arts go, Muay Thai is surprisingly straight forward and focused, concerned mainly in viciously beating the living soul out of your opponents with 8 "limbs," the fists, legs, knees and elbows.

Hurts about as much as you'd expect

As you can see, the average practitioner of the sport is about 5"4, Asian, possibly working dressed as a girl in the evening, and completely able to kick your sorry "Karate" trained butt in a matter of seconds. Which should really make you feel ashamed of getting beaten up by a 15 year old she-boy.

Earnestly speaking, I obviously cannot come near the skill the Thai have, being trained in America, mostly because there are laws against... Um... "training" methods they use there here in the U.S. Also because I haven't been doing it since I'm 2 years old. However, the sport is really a load of fun and I enjoy it. Some people compare it to Sanda, which is Chinese Kickboxing. There are many similarities, however Sanda does not allow to elbow and knee attacks, mostly because Chinese people are wusses (Oooo fake communist government. HA! Wussies)

And in more recent news...

So here are some recent news you may find interesting (at least when viewed in my shoes).

Today, Chrysler filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. I'm not sure what a chapter 10 or a chapter 12 one is, but chapter 11 sure sounds bad. I mean Harry Potter has like 14 Chapters and its 375239573851289571* pages long. Here's hoping it goes bankrupt so we don't get any more crappy overpriced cars from a company led by less efficient yet more boring Oompa Loompas.

*No, no it's not. You moron.

In other news, today, in an attempt to kill The Dutch Crown, a guy took the way less conventional way of Driving a car through a crowd, killing five people. Sounds scary? Don't worry it's a whole lot more retarded then it seems, just like everything in life. Lets break down the oddities now.

1. The Dutch have a royal family? Holy crap.

2.The man plowed a Suzuki Swift into the crowd. I don't know if you've ever seen a Suzuki swift, but it's a particularly pathetic car. I don't know if you're familiar with an European car. Let me put it this way. You know the SUV your father probably drives because HE'S A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING? Well, that car is about the size of the freaking Lights on your dads EarthMurder car. Running someone over with a Suzuki is like throwing a deodorant stick at a large crowd and actually causing chaos and death. Want me to be MORE Specific? This is literally the Geo Metro. No kidding.

3. The Royal Family was up in a bus. Open deck bus...

4. The guy had no previous history of mental health.

5. He was not armed. And crashed into a monument.

Ok, Number one. Yes, they apparently do. I did not know this. Awesome

Number two is where it gets REALLY interesting. So I'll just mix 2-5 together, follow me here for a minute...

This whole event is retarded in so many different levels, it's actually hard to explain it to you with a serious face. The guy obviously had not planed anything ahead. You do not try to murder the Royal Family with a Geo Metro. You're more likely to receive their express permission to punch them in the scrotum before you ever do that. See, the Suzuki swift is a Geo Metro, which was marketed by GM. So we have a stupid dutch driving an American/Japanese/A ton of other stuff car, making this one of the most multicultural killing machines ever made, driving at a whoping ~40KM/H, running over people and killing them.

Because he wanted to kill the Royal family...

Which he wasn't even aiming at.



And he crashed into a monument...







Also not even close to the bus they were in, which was a giant target.
I'll give you a minute...







Ok, so this story tells me that A. The growing Elderly population of the Netherlands went down by 5 today. Because only old people are fragile enough to die from that. Seriously. Honestly. I don't mean to mock their deaths but you just don't want to put that in your Obituary, kind of like "Here lies Bob Von Dutch, lived a good life, raised 18 children, fought two world wars, killed by a Geo Metro." Thats really sad, I'd hate to have that happen to me.

B. Dutch don't know how to drive.

C. Americans are the cause/solution to EVERYTHING in the planet, especially GM, and...

D. HOW DO YOU MISS A GIGANTIC RED TWO STORY BUS AND HIT A MONUMENT? SERIOUSLY! I mean if you REALLY wanted to kill the Royal family, how about this one: A gun. It's less expensive then a car, more accurate, won't kill innocent (presumably elderly) Bistanders, and wont embarrass the whole Dutch nation in one swift move (I swear to god no pun intended).

My condolences to the families and the Dutch people for their losses, and a congratulations to Mr. Suzuki idiot for proving once again that humanity can be much more stupid then you ever thought possible.

Today was a horrible day for indians about a Half a millenia ago...

And they didn't even know it. April 30th of 1492, our good friend and mass murderer slash slaver Christopher "The D*ck" Columbus received the commission to explore the Indies through the Atlantic from the Queen and King of Spain. Now, I'm not one to make jokes about Genocide. However I'm known for making fun of Genociders (Ed- Thats not a word is it?). I mean, come on. Hitler was a raging homosexual. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Oh besides the fact that he tried exterminating them too. Sorry Nazis but you could be tough, you could be organized, but your boss was the most FABULOUS vegetarian artist turned mass murderer, like, EVEEEER!

Ok but back on topic, even though Columbus didn't kill a bagazillion billion billion Indians on purpose, he did indeed deal in Indian forced labor. And thats a pretty dastardly thing to do. No one likes to be enslaved, specially by some short white guy with a fruity Italian accent. But the man seems to be a nearly accidental killing machine, introducing European diseases onto the Indians, and this one is soooooo much better yet way less well known, ahem, listen to this...

His crew apparently brought back Syphillis to Europe, which may have caused upwards to 5 million deaths. Not only that, but they also brought a plethora of brand new Veneral diseases which were ALL the rage among the ruling elites... and the whores. And pretty much half the population of Europe, including the goats (Ed-You're going to hell for this. You bastard). In fact, if you count the people that died as a consequence of his discovery, then you can count LITERALLY everyone to die since 1492 on the new world, and countless in Europe, including World War one, World War two, and any curent wars that might be going on.

God the guy puts Hitler to shame. I mean this is long term extermination. I hereforth pass a motion to name today, March 30th, Everything in the future is about to go to [crap] because of Columbus, that jerk day.

In Other News...

While reading Times Magazine, which I subscribe to (Take a note ladies, I have good rhetoric, I'm good looking, AND smart, ignore the cynicism please), I came across an article about how the United States could not lose in Afghanistan. Being the genius political analyst and war strategist that I am, I did not bother to read it, however, I looked at the picture, and realized something possibly lifechanging: Holy crap Afghanistan is not just a desert. Shocking, I know. All depictions I've had of this country were lies. Time to sue Charlie Wilson. Or Tom Hanks.... Ok lets settle for Julia Roberts. No one likes her anyways.

This bring up many questions in my head. Like, if Afghanistan is not a crappy desert, does this mean India and Pakistan had been fighting for Kashmir because it's actually a pretty place? So I investigated and discovered ANOTHER amazing revelation: Pakistan is also not a desert! In fact it looks hell of pretty. This means America might not be the only place which is NOT a desert in the world. In fact I looked it up and there's a desert here, so it might actually be the other way around, I don't know. Ok but seriously, I did realize there are other places with beauty in the world (See, that's why I told you to ignore the cynicism), but in a way, Afghanistan has never been portrayed as a place of beauty. No Middle Eastern country has, and maybe that is only because of the fact that they are displayed negatively to western countries.

The media has a huge control over how we think of our own world. It is scary to know that you can fall prey to this control, caught unaware. I've always wanted to travel the world, but to be honest, I had no curiosity about Afghanistan. Now, more then ever, I want to visit those locations in the world no one even knows about. So I bought a NEW book (which makes it 8 books I'm reading right now, once again ladies, take note). This Australian dude travels to these random locations not even he knows the name, the least pronouncable the name the better, and has crazy adventures there not knowing where the bloody hell he is. Although he's Australian and can survie anything, scientifically proven, and so far so good.

Now why the hell did I buy this book? Because 1, I can, 2 I wanted to, and 3, I plan on seeing the world one day. The REAL world, not the made up one everyone knows about like Disneyland, Paris' sewers (French people don't shower or use the bathroom, of course its fake, DUH), and the Brazilian congress (I'm pretty sure its just a warehouse to stuff the huge piles of money our government makes running drugs). I want to see the REAL world, the one where you meet people from those cultures, learn the language, and immerse your self in it. The least commercialized, the most exciting, the real, the dangerous. Life is short, so why not?

Try reading THAT bunch of Nonsense, Stoklosa. It doesn't even follow a rational patter.

-I win.