The State of the Union

Yesterday, the Godhead figure (I think he's called Obama?) delivered a less then memorable, forgettable speech about the State of the Union. Surprisingly, It's not Sugar, Rainbows, Spices, and our personal fairies to fulfill our very wishes (which was what most critics expected). But these are unimportant issues the stupid pundits (Heh Oxymorons... By the way this is the second time Blogger spell check has failed. PUNDIT IS A WORD DAMN IT!) can tackle. I will tackle a much more important issue:

How absurdly annoying Nancy Pelosi is. And the other stuff that happened in the speech that caught my attention fleetingly.

Look, I understand that, as the speaker of the house, your job is to... Well honestly I don't know what your job is, and quite frankly, speaking to a house sounds far too insane and Far-fetched a job for anyone to hold...

...Ok I take that back. However Pelosi's first job is obviously not talking to walls in houses. No, her 1st Job is annoying me into oblivion. Seriously she stood up so much she managed to annoy me from several angles...

Look, I tuned in to the speech awfully late. How late? it was ten minutes to the end. You know how many times she stood up in those ten minutes? Nine, and yes, I counted. That's almost one time every minute. This makes me wonder whether or not she was listening to the speech, or cues to stand up and clap. The evidence points to the latter. Why would such a person do so? To boast the morale of the house, its member, and the people watching? One could argue that. But one would be stupid, because one doesn't know the truth. Nanci Pelosi was hired to annoy me. That's right. Her single purpose in life is to make mine hell. She's a fire-breathing, word-spitting, house-speaking, mind-pinching she-devil. 

This is an actual Excerpt from the speech*:

"When I was seven years old, Nation, I had hope! Hope I could change America. However I was pantsed by the local bully, America. But I prevailed, with the Hope of Audacity... Although I wet the sheets tonight, It was quite embarrassing, America... It was."

Then she proceeded to stand up. To annoy me. Oh how i spite thee, Nancy Pelosi...

*Complete bull-feces

But despite Pelosi trying to ruin my mental health, which to be honest, isn't quite as stable as it once was, the speech also had its interesting pieces.

The Highlights:

Obama almost literally Quoting a Chevy commercial... Or Bank of America, I forget. (This is America... Part)

The Camera man for Cspan clapping at the microfone, making a hilariously profane noise

Some guy always coughing and moaning when Obama said Hope

Obama finishing his "Strenght of the Worlds" part of the speech and expecting the house to clap, only to look hilariously confused for a second.

Leonard Abess Jr. looking like he spent his $60,000,000 bonus in illicit drugs.

The most Awkward 3 way hug I've ever seen a 1st lady give, EVER.

Joe Biden Giving Pelosi evil looks and refusing to stand up to clap.

Sadly these totally awesome moments were not enough to redeem the Address to Congress (Why can't he call it a State of the Union when IT IS a state of the union? Is there a State of the Union deposit fund he didn't want to tap into?). Although I enjoyed imagining I could put the quarters in my table on Joe Bidens eyes (They'd fit perfectly in there, yes they would...), that was about the only redeeming part of the speech. It wasn't awkwardly awful like the Bush speeches, it was almost as vague as an Obama speech, naturally, and didn't bolster the intense hilarity and racism of Reagan speeches, or the Epicness of a Roosevelt (both) speech.

If i had to predict, Obama is going to be a mediocre President. And yes, all because his speech didn't have any redeeming comedic value whatsoever.

Oh and Screw you Pelosi.

Water-Polo!*_*

This be Jose E., I'm happy to guest-star in my friend REALLY AWESOME PERSON WHO IS REALLY AWESOME TADEU'S award winning blog for randomness. Anyways, tomorrow is my fist water-polo game of the season( why would u care, well i frankly don't give a &*%^ if you care or not, besides its my post!) hence i decided to talk/ brainwash you with ideas about the sport of water-polo. You could not imagine the Adrenaline rush going through me right now as i write this post and i know it will not be very pleasing for me tomorrow in the game, in fact a quite bloody and painful four 6minute quarters. Although many people think its a kind of laid back, softy sport, those people should immediately be dropped in the middle of the ocean without anything and try to stay afloat for hours while holding one of their arms up high and being repeatedly kicked in the stomach, and then we'll see what they really think of water-polo. The words soft, polite, considerate, clean, and family jewels do not exist in the vocabulary of the water-polo. I am TELLING YOU right now that water-polo is one of the harshest, most spirit-breaking , most unforgiving, dirtiest, nipple twisting, ass pinching... i can go on although i think it might get inappropriate, but the point is that you will respect the water-polo or else! and just to enforce that, here's a picture of Mr. T.:

"I pity the Fool who don't respect the water-polo!"

Anyways, the team at Cypress is looking good for the moment. Our coach has taken the liberty as well as done us a favor to force us to swim for hours until we can't feel our legs and to perform drills where you get harassed more than Bush(although she throws really well- pumped, hard as brick balls at us instead of a shoe, and there is no dodging, her aim is too good!). But I know this hardship will pay-off tomorrow at the game. Coincidentally, we face our toughest opponent, Flannagan high(porque Jesus?? :-( ?) so i ask you, the reader to pray for the team, and luckily, we'll win instead of dislocating any bones, or drowning. Anyways, here's a video about dirty, painful, and immoral fun, go to 1:01(that one really hurts!)

PS. Before you complain, no one dies in the making of this video as well as the actual game play, besides, you actually thought for a moment that I'm as messed up as Tadeu? I would never post a video of someone dying! Jesus!!!
Don't forget to tune into the after shock on Friday for a special report on the Cypress varsity water-polo team.

Tadeu to Jose: I can edit your posts, so for every purposeful misspelling of my name there will be a rainbow on your post. Thats two. Sorry!

With lack of love, and maybe a little bit of spite,

-Mr. T
-And Thank You Jose for the contribution, you're the Greatest/ most brilliant friend ever! I wish I was as brilliant , handsome, and GREAT as you!

P.S: Yeah I enlarged those words for the purpose of hilarity. I laughed.

A Stroke of Luck.

As I'm browsing Slate guffawing at their leftist agenda, I find the only reason I discovered this pathetic website (also known as my home page). Matthew Polly. Who is this mediocre being of questionable name, you ask? Why, he's the author of American Shaolin, one of my favorite books. Why do I care about what he does after he wrote the book? Because his travel accounts are awesome, that's why. So, why am I writing a column about a regular author at a magazine that is unimportant enough not to reach the printed medium? Well, screw you that's why. Oh and secondly, because he is no regular writer for the magazine. He only writes well traveled columns, which come every 6 months from him or so, if not more.

This article is about his visit to St. Petersburg, and Russia in general. At the time of this post, this is still ongoing, as he is updating it throughout the week.

One of the things that attract me about this man (not literally, may I add... I don't ride the rainbow) is his writing style. If you bother reading the article, you'll notice I take much influence from his own works, but quite frankly, I'm 10x better then him*.  I try to emulate in some ways, what goes through my mind in a witty and controversial way, although, to be quite honest, he's still beating me. I do not believe I could conceive a sentence such as "Such was her reputation that an urban legend grew that she had died while attempting sex with a stallion, making her the patron saint of both bad girls and horny horses."†

*Ok probably not...

†"Oh and he got into an orgy (Word History: The word orgy has become connected in the minds of many of us with unrestrained sexual activity, but its origins are much less licentious. We can trace the word as far back as the Indo-European root *werg-, meaning "to do," also the source of our word work. Greek orgia, "secret rites, worship," comes from *worg-, one form of this root. The Greek word was used with reference to the rites practiced in the worship of various deities, such as Orpheus and Dionysus. The word in Greek did not denote sexual activity, although this was a part of some rites. The rites of Dionysus, for example, included only music, dancing, drinking, and the eating of animal sacrifices. Having passed through Latin and Old French into English, the word orgy is first recorded in English with reference to the secret rites of the Greek and Roman religions in 1589. It is interesting to note that the word is first recorded with its modern sense in 18th-century English and perhaps in 17th-century French. Whether this speaks to a greater licentiousness in society or not must be left to the historian, but certainly the religious nature of the word has gone into eclipse.)with 8 people one time. And hooked up with incredibly stupidly ridiculously hot people (read people because he hooked up with more hot girls AND boys than you ever will, ever).  Needless to say he was badassedly awesome." Ok maybe I could make a whole insane sentence though.

Yes. That is Mathew Polly. Did I tell you why he wrote the book? No? Well, to summarize, he felt like learning Kung-fu... first hand, from the Chinese... during the 90s.

He is also my inspiration to many things that I now make a habit in life, such as talking to taxi cabs. Polly always says taxi drivers are the best conveyors of a countries situation and the best description of its people as there can be. I believe this to be true, talking to a taxi cab in Argentina, Brasil, America.  His own ethics inspire mine, taking his own word as law, and holding up to his own morals, all while still being informative, funny, and captivating as a person, and as a writer. He was not afraid of chasing happiness at the cost of endangering his Education, Reputation, Life (dysentery is a female dog).

Now go buy his book. If you MUST read it immediately, you can borrow my old, battered copy, but I'd rather you buy it...

Grrr... I'll bite you. Wait what?

Connan

Just thought this would be funny for all the people around calling me Mr.T. In other news...

Welcome...

So as an experiment that might totally be against class rules, I have decided to allow my friend over at True*Rock*NEVER*Dies to post on my blog. Now now, I know it sounds all "controversial" and "retarded" and what not, but listen, hey, Its my blog. Free speech man, I KNOW MY RIGHTS!

Do not worry, because I know this won't affect the high standards (read: No standards at all) and accurate fact checking (read: do WORK? For a SCHOOL assignment? Are you mad?) that this blog is known for, because I will be personally be reading and checking everything that comes in before it is posted.*

*Um... Ok maybe not.

In any case, I'm sure this will work out fine, and add more interesting topics of intense madness to the fray of non-sequitur (Sequitur shows as incorrect on spell checking: English fail on the part of Blogger.com) senseless posts I make by my self, and maybe even better the reading experience for the one and a half human readers and the Army of murderous ants trying to annihilate me for uncovering their secret biddings on world domination.

Cheeseburger...

...has absolutely nothing to do with this post. However, here's a picture of a cheeseburger:

Moving on, I'd like to talk about Monty Python.  Now, I know what you're saying, "but Mr.T, Whats a Python doing in a Monty... and is this Monty Canadian by any chance?" No, this Monty is not Canadian, and you're a moron. Damn you Rhetoric writing strategy and your stupid questions!

 Monty Python was actually a British comedy troupe that started it all. They were featured on TV at the BBC channel, starting their fame for insanity and non-sequitor comedy, unrelated skits, and dead parrots. On the spirit of lazyness and crappy comedic value because I'm feeling rather unwitty tonight, I'll be making a list of my favorite skits from Monty Python.

#10: Always Look On the Bright Side of life! Always Look on the bright side of death!

Always Look on the bright side of death!

#9: Romanes Eunt Domus 

Reminds me of my Latin Class with Dr. Lyons. No seriously, he threatens us with swords!

#8: I fart in your general direction!

Your Mother was a Hamster!

#7: Knights who say Ni!

"No, Not the Knights who say Ni!"

#6: 'Tis Nothing but a flesh wound! (The Black Knight)

"'Tis Nothing but a scratch!"

#5: Ministry of Silly Walks

Ah, the Ministry of Silly walks. This one is one of my classic favorites.  I really don't think I need to put commentary to the comedic value of this piece. Hey you laughed!

#4: The dead Parrot

It's just sleeping, Really!

#3: Spam

Hey you laughed! 

#2: What have the Romans...

"Yeah reg, remember what the city used to be like."

#1: THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

"NO BODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"

And Now for something completely different...

The Golf GTI

In accordance to disagree with any and everything David from Burn Out Reviews, and actually proving my point just to be a bitch about it, I decided I will test drive both the Volkswagen GTI 2.0T (MkV) and the Chevrolet Colbalt SS Which packs a 2.0T also. I will compare both cars, in various aspects, not just performance (but hey, might as well push the car, its just a test drive anyways).

I am a stubborn guy, and before I go into this, I will give my pre-test drive veredict: Golf GTI whoops little Cobalts butt.

The VW GTI:

The stats:

200 HP @6000RPM

207 Torque @1800RPM

Mileage: 21 city

31HighWay

Curb Weight: 3100lbs

Transmission: 6 speed Manual(Standard)

  6 speed DSG (Dual clutch sequential manual/Automatic)(Optional)

Base Price: $23,230 (Esserman Volkswagen)

Cargo Space: 15.1 Cubic feet

0-100Km(62MPH):7.2s 6 speed manual

    6.9s DSG 6 Speed

Test Drive: I took the GTI for a quick drive today at Esserman. My first impression was that the car held a lot of power under the hood. And I know it does, because it hides a 2.0l turbo charged in line 4 cylinder under it, and let me tell you, German engineers put that to good use.

The great thing about this car is that it takes no time at all to get used to it. It is a remarkably nimble and fun-to-drive car, the independent suspension isn't too rigit but it isn't too soft either. Steering the car is almost seemless due to the Electro-mechanic steering, and the car has a quick response time. There is almost no lag, and shifting comes naturally. The car offers a great rumble when the throttle is pressed, and the clutch is fine tuned so its not too heavy or too light.

Car lifting wasn't a big deal once you got used to the car, and the great thing about this car is the Gs it can pull in curves.

This car feels like its made for a track. I wouldn't say this if I didn't mean it, but it really does.  This car doesn't have the tendency to oversteer or understeer too much, which is basically awesome for when you're driving performance. The break and throttle are placed near each other to allow for better heel and toe performance driving, and the car is quick to pick up speed if you want to, even at third or fourth gear. The car also responds very well to drifting out in curves, as i was able to control the drift of the car with my left hand (which is injured) easily.

This car also offers an excellent list of optionals, but honestly, I don't care. It's good as it is. Those are only amenities that will weight down the car and distract you from driving it. And that sucks.

Now for the Chevy Cobalt SS

The stats:

HP 260@5300RPM

Torque 260@2000RPM

Mileage: 22 City

30 Highway

Curb Weight: 2975lbs

Transmission: 5 speed Manual

  4 speed Automatic

Base Price:$23,425

Cargo Space:13.9 Cubic feet

0-100Km(62MPH):5.9s 5 Speed manual

(I will test drive this car Sunday, Post comments then)

EDIT: Test drive post poned until i can get my hands on a 1SS, going through test drive scheduling right now.

Into the Wild

This is the story of Alexander Supertramp, real name Christopher McCandless:

http://outside.away.com/outside/features/1993/1993_into_the_wild_1.html

I ran into this when i was a smaller kid (like 6) and always been fascinated by this story.  Although the story ends tragically, he lived his life to the fullest extent of how he could live life. Some would say burning your money and leaving your Datsun behind and calling your self tramp everywhere you go doesn't sound all that awesome. Those people are stupid, have you ever driven a Datsun? You would leave yours behind too, trust me.

But in all seriousness, this is an amazing story of altruism and happiness, even when leading a simple life. He barely believed in any material possession, and he still managed to live a full life. I do not feel sorry for his death, and in fact like to think he would have liked to die in a manner similar to this. I know he suffered much in his last moments, and that his death is entirely because of his own stupidity (Hey he did drive a Datsun after all), but I can't shake the feeling that what he did was the rightest thing in the world.

Everyone should live a life like Supertramp. Not in the nomadic, leave all temporal possessions behind and die in Alaska kind of life. But people should live the ideal behind his life. Live life to the fullest doing what you truly want, and helping others, being an altruist not an egoist, and pursuing happiness to death. If you do not want to live in society, then don't struggle with it. Let go, never hold on, always take a chance. It may have killed him, but in a way, it saved him. Money, intelligence and security did not make him happy, and he simply let it go like this, though society tells you this is how you live, and if you do not live this way, you will not live period. He proved them wrong, but ironically, right at the same time.

I think his struggle touched a deep problem in society. The fact that we promote freedom and equality for others, that we call for our selves to pursue our own happiness and our own path, however, we hypocritically only present one path, the path for material, even fake happiness. We not only scoff, but hide the possibility of true happiness being found outside the disconcerting greed of the capitalist machine. Maybe it is a misguided path, the one he took. I do not believe in Communism like he did, but I do believe we are entitled to seek happiness the way we see it, not the way we are presented to it, and no one should have the right to stop us, to scoff at it, to try and stop it.  No one should be able to tell us what's for our own good or not, when it is not interfering with any other persons personal freedom. Why should I not be allowed to live in a public street if this is the way i envision happiness? Simply because someone who does not believe it is the way life should be lived, or because they do not find it pretty, I should be forced to comply with them? Isn't that, in principle, denying me my rights to live out of this society?

Then why don't we follow our own principles? Why do we refuse to give the liberties to people who we our selves say they are entitled to? Is it, then, human nature to force onto others our ideas and opinions? Isn't that much like religious oppression? Idealistic oppression? Aren't we supposed to be more like Supertramp, living our ideals without ever censuring others? Aren't we supposed to be against this hypocrisies? Why do those who cope with the struggles of modern society get the say on what others say, the ones who set the rules of right and wrong, and the others get the shaft? Vagrants, in general, do not do much harm. It is true some cause trouble, but that is because they are not by choice vagrants and runaways, but by necessity. There are always troublemakers in any part of society, like for examples 92% of the people in Weston.*

*Probably actually true

I think it is a hive mind idea that vagrants are ugly, foul smelling rejects of society that should be dealt with. But that is the wrong view. If you read the book, or watch the movie, you will know that vagrants and social rejects can form their own beautiful culture, such as the desert culture, and live full filling lives without having to adapt to a society they do not agree with.

On a lighter note, I am glad I live where I live in the time I am living. I very much love society, even if sometimes it feels like I should just go out and be. And I know I will do that, as I have done before, because there is something beautiful about not being attached to the world that one cannot feel unless they abandon any idea of possession. I think all of us should try it someday.

Links:

Into the Wild (movie)

Into the Wild (book): By Jon Krakauer

P.S: Sorry for the lack of Images.

Cazuza e mais.

I had a great idea for a post I will be making tomorrow. Sadly this is not it. No, this is completely different. This is a derrogatory post pointing out how much more awesome my country is then yours. One of many, I'm sure...

In this segment, lets analyze just how much more awesome our singers are.

First off, there is Cazuza, the greatest poet to ever live.

This is Cazuza. He's good. He's really good. He's pretty freaking incredible.

How incredible? If I told you the most beautiful love song he wrote has the word blender (yes the kitchen appliance) in it, and it still makes people cry? Yes, thats how awesome he is. He wrote in blender in a love song that is not a joke. Beat that.

Bask in the glory of the Blender

No Seriously you just Can't beat that. It's legally proven you can't. Ok maybe not but it should be.

Are you still doubting his awesomeness? Fine, then. This man died of AIDS. Whats so remarkable about that? Whats so remarkable is that he would sing still near the end of his life. He didn't do it for the money, he did it for the love of his music. During his shows, he would have to stop constantly, because he didn't have the strenght to sing anymore. No other singer was ever that dedicated. He sang through sickness and imprinted his name into Brasilian history forever.

Oh and he got into an orgy with 8 people one time. And hooked up with incredibly stupidly ridiculously hot people (read people because he hooked up with more hot girls AND boys than you ever will, ever).  Needless to say he was badassedly awesome.

The next in our list is absolutely one of my favorite singers in this world, ladies and gentlemen, Renato Russo:

This is Renato Russo. He was the singer of one of my favorite bands in the whole world, Legião Urbana.

Whats so remarkable about this man? Easy. He was the best song writer to ever be born. In Brasil? No, of course not. In the world. If you spoke portuguese, your mind would be blown by the incredible awesomeness of his lyrics. The man wrote an explicit song about sex and no one noticed. And its blatanly obvious if you think about it. Yeah.

Being awesome as he is, he would not be content singing only in portuguese, determined to blow the universe's mind by singing in English, French, Spanish, Italian, and the language of Planet X.*

*May not be true

This man was more intellectual then you could ever think. Philologist that he was, he knew a plethora of languages, which he spoke fluently. He was also surprisingly intelligent, yet he was connected to the real world. Using these gifts of non-isolationism, charisma, and stupefying intelligence, he wrote some of the best songs in Brasilian Rock with his band. So awesome was this man that one band could not contain him, leading to the creation of ANOTHER one of Brasil's great rockbands, Capital Inicial, split from the Original band Aborto Eletrico, which ironically gave birth to two great bands (the irony is in that it means Electric abrotion, however it gave birth. Heh, funny).

Not content in being the awesomest thing to walk the landscape at his time, he went on to write a story in a song about a man called Joao de Santocristo. This was called Faroeste Caboclo, a song that extends for 9 minutes with odd verses, weird language, very little colloquialism used, yet making perfect sense, easy to understand, however nearly impossible to sing, in the perspective of proffessional singers, which find the timing and the wording so out of context yet so perfect they're baffled anyone wrote it. Not only that, but defying, nay, breaking Occam's razor's nose, then shoveling crap on top of it, the song is the single most famous song by the band, and a national treasure.

In fact it is so impossibly hard to explain how he turned out to be so awesome considering his geeky weirdish background I won't try to explain it. I'll just give you a video of Faroeste Caboclo and Codinome Beija-Flor(The Cazuza song with the word Blender in it).

Faroeste Caboclo:

Codinome Beija-Flor:

(The last video actually really hurts me, you can tell he's sick already at this point, so tragic)

Racism

As you know, racism is a big issue today in America. As you could have guessed if you knew me well enough I absolutely don't care about it. Then why, you ask, am I posting this? Let me ask you something back instead: Don't you ever quit making stupid questions? Seriously just read the damn blog, Christ...

Anyways. I'm a racist. Yes I've said it. I'm a horrible bigot, lynching racist. Who do I direct this racism to? Blacks? Hispanics? Whites? Communists? Aliens? Dolphins? No, people, I do not hate humans (or dolphins for that matter). I'm talking about Ants. Yes, ants, not a typo, before you ask (you ask too many questions).

So you ask me, why, do I call it racism if they're ants? Wouldn't that be specie...ism? First of

f, shut up and quit asking stupid questions. Seriously I already said it twice, stupid reader involving writing technique. Secondly, yes, it might be. But lets face it, the tag racism is probably going to attract much more attention to this blog from serious people expecting serious posts. Which I obviously provide*

*Probably not really true

So lets get on track. Why do I hate ants? Because they're absolutely evil. That's why. Imagine the communists, but 18x worst and only two times smarter. Now completely ignore those numbers BECAUSE THEY'RE ANTS SO THEY CAN'T BE COMPARED TO COMMUNISTS! Some people say ants are fascinated, they even write articles such as this 

one, claiming ants to be an intelligent society, and should be considered a civilization apart from human beings. You might say there's no harm done in writing an innocent article claiming ants to be intelligent primitive civilizations that could never possibly be a threat. You're absolutely wrong, and incredibly stupid.

Meet my little friends, the voraciously violent and completely freaking insane, The Amazon Army Ant. These ants are truly insane little bastards, way more then your usual ant, which you

 probably already find amusingly obnoxious. But this isn't Obnoxious level annoyance. No, this is "Get the hell out of our way or we'll eat the HELL out of YOU buddy!" type of annoyance. And that's pretty high up there. These ants have the tendency to act as Legionnaires, not creating nests and acting absolutely

insane for the majority of their lives, raiding living beings in their way, and never settling

 anywhere. These are the little vikings of the ant world, but

 hundreds of times more messed up. Seriously, the bastards are so messed up in fact they may have killed Darwin; they haven't evolved in 100 million years. They basically got up to evolutions face, took her home, gave her food, made love, then it simply bitch smacked it and spit in its face, left it's apartment and never called back.

But now you're telling me, hey Mr.T, you're stating (which is an improvement from asking all the damn time), these are not the same ants they had in the article up there. Those built nests! And you're absolutely correct. They do not. Which means they're an incredibly mobile, powerful army ready to strike at any time. Once the ants mount a coalition and decide to decimate the humans from this earth, they already have a ready-to-go army of insane soldiers trained to KILL YOU! They can just leave the logistics and the fancy "building" to the smart ants. All THEY need to do is slaughter the hell out of you, and they are pretty used to that anyways. And don't tell you I did not warn you. I pity the fool who doesn't listen to me. And no, I will not protect you.

In any case, you may be asking your self (and thank god for that, I hate it when you ask ME!) "Well, I mean sure but they're not technologically advanced. They're ants, whats the worst they could do?" Let me tell you what. Humans have been on this earth for over two million years. That's a lot, last I heard. Do you know how long we just kind of wandered around and did absolutely nothing, kind of like the ants? A long time. We didn't start settling until very recently even in hour own history of existence.  We stayed the same for over one million years before we started actually doing something with our lives, and we only did so because we stumbled into a lot of great things that allowed us to leave nomadic living. Ants have been living in one place for Milena. Who is to say they will not suddenly decide to evolve into say... a super power with biotechnology, due to them discovering something (after all, they can teach, and apparently constructing things is not in their genes, its discovered)?

It is only a matter of time before ants attack us with nukes, those little communist bastards they are. I advocate a preemptive strike on those little buggers, before they invade the U.S.A and annihilate humanity. Which they will. I just know so.

There's a huge hole in my car!

                                                         

Do I need to explain my self? Or is that self explanatory?

Lets get with the introductions now shall we? This is Rock n' Roll:

 

Ok but there IS a story behind this.  And no It doesn't involve any mafias, WMDs or anything very explosive in general actually, no offence Italians.

Oh and did I mention it is a fairly big hole? It is, really, I can actually STAND ON IT 

That's right. I can actually physically recreate the Flinstones. Although the way things are going I'm not going to be doing the same with the Jetsons any time soon.

So the story goes, me and a few friends decided to go out. Where? To Freaking Boca Raton. But that's not important. Back to the hole. One of my friends, Gabriel (To be referred as The giant with Really heavy feet)  probably stepped on my rusted crappy floor too hard. Like... Way too hard. I guess no one noticed when it first broke. The scar suddenly starts making scary weird noises on the highway, which leads us to believe its the suspension. After we all did a bunch of jumping on top of the car, we couldn't figured out, so me, in my infinite wisdom, decided to look at the bottom of my beautiful deathtrap of a car. What i saw was not pleasant. At all. Like... not even close. Nope, not nice. Horrifying. Rusted metal so decayed it ripped like bad textile material. Ever cut paper that got wet then dried? Think something like that. I could literally rip the metal finish in my car with a hand, and let me tell you, the rust dust wasn't fun (Tethanus shots anyone? WOO!)

We decided to ignore the damn thing for the time being considering we were lost (terrifyingly) in Boca Raton, a place where time apparently moves slower, or the people do, because they were doing 35 on a 55. Maybe it has to do with old Jewish New Yorkers Metabolism or maybe they actually invented a machine that slows time (I wouldn't be surprised either, how do you explain them living to be 800 years old?). So after 5 hours of being lost we finally reached our destination, where we stayed a whopping like... 18 minutes. Yes, 4 hours for that. Fun. We drive back to Weston blah blah not important drop off everyone. 

I hand the keys over to my good friend Luis, who I will trust my life (However never my car, again) with. Needless to say, if you know me, you know this involved extensive damaged to both public and private property as well as my car (as well as countless terrified spectators watching a car drive around a round-about with two of the wheels on top of the side of the road, which was like 8 inches over the ground, on reverse. Did i mention there was a garden on top of that? WAS. Now there's a garden in my car (Hey at least its pretty).

I do give props to VW for making a car that could survive me and my friends though. I mean I actually drove to school today and the car works (well as well as you'd expect a totalled car to actually work, if not better). I can't complain about it, really, I love the car, and, I for one, truly believe this car is actually indestructible and might be a transformer (although from the looks of it its either a really pissed decepticon or a dead one). No Seriously, we rammed the damn thing on the grass. Twice. On reverse. And then on forward. 8 inches. Horrible vertical inches. Seriously some people won't do that to their Hummer H2, we did it with a 110k mile FWD 94 VW Cabrio who already has so many things not working for it you'd think its not actually a real car.

To all the survivors of Rock n' Roll, congratulations, you get a spot of honor on my blog, although I'm not sure that is a good thing or not. (I Posted pictures of all of us but I didn't like how it fit the page so only names, SORRY)

Oona, Jeppe, Gabriel, and Luis.

Also Honorary members: everyone who's ever been retarded enough to ride my car. Congratulations, you win a unnarcissist award for lack of self-protection instincts excellency.