The State of the Union

Yesterday, the Godhead figure (I think he's called Obama?) delivered a less then memorable, forgettable speech about the State of the Union. Surprisingly, It's not Sugar, Rainbows, Spices, and our personal fairies to fulfill our very wishes (which was what most critics expected). But these are unimportant issues the stupid pundits (Heh Oxymorons... By the way this is the second time Blogger spell check has failed. PUNDIT IS A WORD DAMN IT!) can tackle. I will tackle a much more important issue:

How absurdly annoying Nancy Pelosi is. And the other stuff that happened in the speech that caught my attention fleetingly.

Look, I understand that, as the speaker of the house, your job is to... Well honestly I don't know what your job is, and quite frankly, speaking to a house sounds far too insane and Far-fetched a job for anyone to hold...

...Ok I take that back. However Pelosi's first job is obviously not talking to walls in houses. No, her 1st Job is annoying me into oblivion. Seriously she stood up so much she managed to annoy me from several angles...

Look, I tuned in to the speech awfully late. How late? it was ten minutes to the end. You know how many times she stood up in those ten minutes? Nine, and yes, I counted. That's almost one time every minute. This makes me wonder whether or not she was listening to the speech, or cues to stand up and clap. The evidence points to the latter. Why would such a person do so? To boast the morale of the house, its member, and the people watching? One could argue that. But one would be stupid, because one doesn't know the truth. Nanci Pelosi was hired to annoy me. That's right. Her single purpose in life is to make mine hell. She's a fire-breathing, word-spitting, house-speaking, mind-pinching she-devil. 

This is an actual Excerpt from the speech*:

"When I was seven years old, Nation, I had hope! Hope I could change America. However I was pantsed by the local bully, America. But I prevailed, with the Hope of Audacity... Although I wet the sheets tonight, It was quite embarrassing, America... It was."

Then she proceeded to stand up. To annoy me. Oh how i spite thee, Nancy Pelosi...

*Complete bull-feces

But despite Pelosi trying to ruin my mental health, which to be honest, isn't quite as stable as it once was, the speech also had its interesting pieces.

The Highlights:

Obama almost literally Quoting a Chevy commercial... Or Bank of America, I forget. (This is America... Part)

The Camera man for Cspan clapping at the microfone, making a hilariously profane noise

Some guy always coughing and moaning when Obama said Hope

Obama finishing his "Strenght of the Worlds" part of the speech and expecting the house to clap, only to look hilariously confused for a second.

Leonard Abess Jr. looking like he spent his $60,000,000 bonus in illicit drugs.

The most Awkward 3 way hug I've ever seen a 1st lady give, EVER.

Joe Biden Giving Pelosi evil looks and refusing to stand up to clap.

Sadly these totally awesome moments were not enough to redeem the Address to Congress (Why can't he call it a State of the Union when IT IS a state of the union? Is there a State of the Union deposit fund he didn't want to tap into?). Although I enjoyed imagining I could put the quarters in my table on Joe Bidens eyes (They'd fit perfectly in there, yes they would...), that was about the only redeeming part of the speech. It wasn't awkwardly awful like the Bush speeches, it was almost as vague as an Obama speech, naturally, and didn't bolster the intense hilarity and racism of Reagan speeches, or the Epicness of a Roosevelt (both) speech.

If i had to predict, Obama is going to be a mediocre President. And yes, all because his speech didn't have any redeeming comedic value whatsoever.

Oh and Screw you Pelosi.